not to offend anyone here but, im beautiful and anyone would be lucky to have me

baracknobama:

*TURNS OFF WIFI* PAY ATTENTION TO ME

officialwhitemom:

My one hour nap turned into a six hour nap : the novel

howidiotic:

if i do not see josh peck interviewed by oprah before i die i will not have lived a full life

kushangel:

i just said hi to someone and they didn’t hear me i’m never trying that again

richwhitemom:

turn on: when your phone is on 100%

evilnerdproductions:

“You would look so much better if you lost some weight-“

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“You would be so much cuter with make up-“

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“Make sure you shave or wax way all that body hair-“

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“You shouldn’t wear that-“

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“You would be beautiful if you just changed how you look-“

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sexuallyfrustratedjellybabies:

so my dog was reunited with his parents today

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and his dad has provided me with the best reaction picture eVER

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you think this is a game, son?

gnarly:

when you and your friends see a fine booty

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neatpotatoes:

"i’M S0 drUnk i cAn’T evn TypE!"

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kiodi:

my last word will probably be either “whoops” or “shit”

surprisebitch:

"yes i am a huge fan of horror flicks"

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wxng:

Walk into the club like what up I’m not old enough 

graffeti:

me and my brother were fighting and he grabs his phone and randomly calls a number and he says “is this the dog pound? because my sister is the biggest bitch”